Okay photo weblog of my new kitten and car wreck.

Okay so there is this girl at my church who is about 18 or 19 (just guessing). She (we'll call her Rachel) has been coming to Sunday services since January or February and sits in front of me during church.  When I first met her in January she was all over her boyfriend during service trying to sit in his lap, rubbing all over him, kissing his neck and cheeks, and all that. Yuck! I assumed that maybe she has such a low self-esteem that she constantly needed his affection or something but actually half of the time he was trying to push her off of himself and try to get her to listen to the sermon.  This girl is very obese and not exactly what society would label 'beauty queen'. I introduced myself to her and would talk to her after service so she would feel welcome at First Assembly.  Three weeks later they got married and I was thinking "Hmm, ok well maybe Rachel's pregnant or maybe they've been together a long time and decided to throw together a quick wedding."  Anyway, my pastor's wife (Patsy) has been reaching out to her and teaching her about the Lord.  Rachel claimed she was pregnant and began sharing her pregnancy with ladies at church and Patsy.  She even brought an ultrasound picture of the baby to show them and told them the baby is a girl. Patsy asked her how far along she was and Rachel told her she was due in July. Well at another point before that she told Patsy that she must have gotten pregnant on her wedding night(which was in Jan or Feb 2008). Patsy then said that if she is 8 months along that she would've gotten pregnant in October. So this girls story apparently hasn't added up from the beginning.

 All this week Patsy has been fixing up the yard at our house (I live with her) because she planned a ladies party/baby shower for Rachel.  Well Rachel's mother in-law calls Patsy today and tells her that Rachel is not pregnant and that she made it all up.  None of us could really tell that she wasn't pregnant because she is so obese that she looks pregnant. I was shocked. How could someone take it that far? I mean she probably stole someone's ultrasound pictures or had an ultrasound done of something else. I really don't know. I feel sorry for her husband. He probably didn't even know either. Maybe he was expecting a baby next month or maybe he was in on the whole thing. I really don't know but I feel bad for Patsy. She has organized this baby shower and now I'm sure she doesn't know what to say to people or to Rachel. She told me today, "We have pastored this church for 27 years and we have dealt with a lot of people with issues but never anything like this."

What I'm wondering is what Rachel was thinking. I mean was she going to fake her baby's death too? Was she going to go as far as planning a funeral for a baby that never existed. Was she actually going to let us throw her a baby shower and her get nice gifts for a baby that doesn't exist. This is just madness! What do you think?

A message I wrote to Brooke explains it all. Lol.

Yeah, you definately need to come here soon and we have to hang out. Gas prices are high but worth paying to see me right? Just kidding! Am I the only one on earth who's not worried about the economy? Goodness! So I only buy the essentials and carpool whenever possible. Is this so hard? I'm so glad that I have resisted letting my mind become Americanized by giving way to the spirit of lack and financial worry that consumes the hearts of those surrounding me. Romans 12 baby! It's good stuff. I have come to realize that God has promised to meet all my needs and He has never broken this promise. True, I have had to learn  the difference between needs and wants but that's another story.

It amazes me how many people in my life are surprised by this security I have about my finances. To them, I am a broke college-kid, with no medical insurance, a vehicle that is not always reliable, who just came out of a season of "homelessness", and "lack" in many areas. But I don't conform to the worlds idea that my income is inefficient and that my needs aren't being met and that I should worry about not having $3.49 to put a gallon of gasoline in my car. Christ has transformed my mind and gone is the lack-mentality! Everything belongs to him, including money. I realize that every cent that comes to me is from His hand whether I earned it or someone gave it. I have $19.43 in my savings account and honestly I'm not worried about paying car insurance next week and not having "extra" money to throw around on things I merely want and don't need. I have realized that the $30 shoes I've been eyeballing for months at the store aren't necessary and that I can be a better steward of God's money by using that money to bless someone else and finding a $3 pair of shoes at Goodwill for myself. Basically, He meets the need of clothing my body but not the want of clothing it with name brands.

He has changed my heart and I find myself praying "God, what do you want me to do with this money? Where do you want me to sow it? Do you want me to sow it into my gas tank or do you want me to sow it into a need in the life of someone else who needs it more than I do?" To my co-workers, it's crazy talk but whenever they tell me I should be concerned about the economy and "throwing away" money to others when I clearly need it, I use that window to let the light of Christ shine into the dark rooms of their life. I share how I was brought up with earthly parents who weren't able to meet my spiritual and sometimes physical needs and how that made me feel empty and hopeless that nobody cared for me. Then BAM! (insert salvation message) How Christ has met every need and that he is the only one who provides for our physical needs by creating everything in this earth for us (food, water etc.) and that He has met our spiritual needs by providing redemption from sin and death. Great strategy in these days if you ever want to use it.

It's hard to believe that the season of deep despair and feelings of lack in my life is over. Hallelujah! I realized that the enemy used my circumstances to convince me that God was as disappointing as my earthly family and neglected my needs. I resented God for not letting me be born into a  Christian family and for not having saved parents who helped me through my troubles instead of being the cause of the problems and I overlooked the fact that God has provided an enriching spiritual family who are always there to support me. I have also realized that God has used my weak words mightily to share the gospel with my brother and sister and see them lead to Him and that they didn't just say a prayer to "reserve their spot in heaven" like some do, but that He has been faithful in answering my prayers and tears to make them warriors of love and instruments used to touch the lives of others. It's unbelievable the fire and heart they have for Jesus and how completely transformed they are. How blessed am I that God gave me these siblings to enlist in the battle for my parents and the rest of the family. I am realizing how special I must be to God that he chose me to be the first to be born into the kingdom and a first generation Christian in my family. Though my parents let me down, God is "Daddy" to me and I no longer deal with not trusting Him. He rescues me from every trouble I come across, He shields me from my enemies harmful arrows, He is mighty to save the world, and intimate that He desires my love and comforts me.

SORRY I WENT OFF ON A RAMPAGE. IT KINDA JUST CAME TO ME AND I FELT LEAD TO SHARE. I DIDN'T PLAN IT. HOLY SPIRIT IS AMAZING!


She wrote back:

WOW!! I can say is wow! You hit the nail right on the head for me. I have been going thru a season of worrying about money, but as you said there's a difference between needs and wants. I think for me, I learned that a while back BUT I have a huge problem for some reason as far as trusting the Lord. He has ALWAYS come through for me and never let me down. Like you with this message (which by the way, thank you so much). I have been in a mode of frustration with my job, and school, and trying to hang out with friends, and wanting to come home. Just a ton of frustration, but I know that God is bigger than all of this junk I just need to see that.

     For some reason I have been through a really strange season that past almost year lol. But we all go through them so I'm not complaining. The biggest thing I am fighting right now is just frustration. I am kind of tired of this "american life" and I just want sooooo much more. I feel like I pour half heartedly into my job. I know that I should everything as unto the Lord, but steph, how do you do that if your heart is not in it? Should I try and get my heart in the right place? I am trying to wait upon the Lord but in the mean time, I think for me, finding a different full time job would help me a lot. Soooo there's my rant. Which is basically I am wanting to jump into whatever God has for me, and I just need to find PEACE before that happens.

     So about this financial peace....how did this come about? Did you pray every day, did God just smack you with it? Cause whatever you have....I want it!

I replied:
That's whats so good about God showing you things like this. It's never just for you. It all basically came about because I kept getting job offers for substantially more than what I make now and for work that I would enjoy better. I have been working at Caesars for over two years and am making much less than some of these jobs offered as a starting wage and now that I have my own place and have to pay for food, gas, bills etc. I started getting stressed about money and not depending on God.  But I know that God's will is for me to work there for now. I have so many great stories of how God is pouring out in the lives of my co-workers. The biggest thing that I have learned in this season is to stop getting stressed and frustrated over things and stop struggling through your relationship with the Lord. Invite him into your situation instead of trying to do it on your own. He won't bust down your door until you ask him to. Confess everything to Him. Confess that your attitude isn't right at your job and ask holy spirit to give you joy at work.

I came to a point where I had to admit to myself and confess to God that I was half-heartedly seeking him. I started to entertain thoughts that were from the enemy and soon I was vocalizing them to friends. At work, I have always been somewhat uptight when it came to anything that had the appearance of sin and to my co-workers I seemed very religious. God had given me a deep burden for them and I would spend hours in prayer interceding for them. I began to feel like my prayers weren't being answered and took things into my own hands. I started laughing along with their jokes and had a few witty comebacks of my own and they would invite me to dinner, shopping, movies etc. Instead of crying out to God to reveal himself to them, I decided that I would bring God to them.

This was during the time after Amanda left and I was very hurt by things that happened at home and at church because of her move. I felt abandoned and jealous.  Jealous because Amanda was given an easy way out of the same situation I was in and it seemed like nobody cared about me. Everyone kept asking me how SHE was doing and I was hurt that I didn't seem to have an identity outside my sister and that nobody asked me how I was dealing with it all. 

So, I decided that I wanted to be nothing like my sister. I wasn't as uptight about sin and I began to be real with them. I changed from being "Stephanie the Christian" to "Stephanie the person" and they fell in love with that change. Somehow they saw that deep within me, I was one of them. I was just as messed up as they were, just as in need of God's grace, and needing peace in my life. For once in their lives they saw that Christians go through junk just like they do. I shared with them that Christianity is not about going to church and doing good things as it may appear on the surface but about a lover who conquered death for his love. They saw me screw up time after time but I shared with them that I was saved through a relationship with Christ and not by my works.

I got over all the feelings of hopelessness and frustration by confession and soaking in God's presence, handing over my feelings and asking him to fill me with His heart, His love, and His peace. I started praying for my co-workers again and He has given me a deeper love for them. The work itself isn't always the best but I know that I am doing God's work there.

I know that is a long story to come to the short conclusion that I LOVE MY JOB! God has replaced my grumbling over unhappy customers with a joy to spread God's love with just a smile and a "have a blessed day". It took a long time for me to surrender. It's easier to be unhappy in your workplace. It's easier to gripe and complain. But you must walk the path of love and spread the gospel wherever you work. You don't have to wait on the lord, He's already there. Being at peace financially came when I realized that I wasn't working a job to get money for things that I want but to be a light and a witness.  I can't tell you if it's God's will for you to work where you are or not. That is something you have to ask God. He will tell you I promise. :) The second I nearly took a different job I felt a nudge from the holy spirit. I didn't have peace about it and I knew God wanted me at Caesars. Sometimes God gives you choices though and lets you decide which place to be used.

You seem to be looking for peace. Why are you searching? You know that God has the only true peace. Another thing is you have to be obedient to what God tells you to do with your money and that when I run out of money it's because I didn't use it toward what God intended it for.

God will provide for you but that doesn't give you an excuse to be lazy. This is another thing I have learned. Some people take low-income jobs and work very little hours and then get mad at God for not providing for them. I'm not saying that you do this and are lazy but part of the reason why you may not be financially secure is that God may want you to take a job that pays more and you may have to work more hours. Just seek God and He will reveal it to you in time. Some people think that God only answers in "Yes" and "No" but sometimes His answer is "Not now". I won't always work at Caesars but God's answer to getting a different job is "Not now".